The Palace Theatre New Hampshire

I’d like to provide some insight into the experience I know many MANY young performers have had with the Palace Theatre in the past 10 years. I’m tired of staying silent to protect my peace from their administrators who have, on multiple occasions, punished and harassed previous performers for speaking out against them. From eating disorders, trauma, bullying, gaslighting, and verbal abuse, this theatre has left countless young performers entering the industry with plenty of horror stories. To offer honesty and finally shine a spotlight on the horrors that still haunt me after many years out of their programs, I would like to briefly highlight a few experiences that they should be held accountable for.

To begin with, Carl Rajotte is the most traumatizing power figure I have ever worked with. Carl, and by extension the rest of their administrators who supported and participated in his behavior, consistently put children in toxic and dangerous situations to enforce through fear their outdated ideologies of how the theatre industry would treat them. I know because I was one of these children for many years. On countless occasions, Carl would body shame us and enforce terrible exercise routines upon the 14-17 year olds in their “Palace Teen Company”, including (but not limited to) forcing us to run around the block local to the theatre until we reached a mile, yelling at us to lift metal folding-chairs and squat with 10-pound boxes of copy paper to enforce our “Broadway Bod” WEEKLY, ask us what our weight was and provide feedback on where he thought we should be, encouraging MANY harmful diet trends that promoted purging and fasting, and more. Beyond the body shaming, there were several instances of the staff hosting private meetings with each teenager and telling them, to their face, what their “flaws“ were. This included being “too sensitive”, “caring too much about schoolwork”, or even “not trying enough“. Carl enjoyed ruling through fear and, as such, made sure to reinforce his position through bullying and gaslighting. Several other administrators participated in this behavior and regularly bullied student performers (with the exception of Shane, who has always been incredibly kind without failure). There have also been several instances of text messages between teenagers and staff members, especially Hunter Ulbin, being leaked in which they made jokes at the expense of their youth actors, insulted their abilities, and encouraged harmful bullying.

All in all, the experience of many young actors leaving their teen programs has been a negative one filled with trauma and pain. There are countless other stories that are either not mine to share or too long to post on one forum that would corroborate this claim. The exterior reputation of this theatre and its programs has overshadowed the real stories and experiences of countless young performers who (still) regularly discuss their shared traumas. Please reconsider participating in these programs and hold their administrators accountable for the abuse they have inflicted on many many impressionable teenagers who look to them for guidance as they navigate the arts.

I have to be honest and say that I’m incredibly nervous to be posting this, but feel it’s important to share the toxic beliefs and behaviors I had to unlearn after graduating from the teen program at the Palace. There is a lot I could get into, but the biggest takeaway for me is the culture surrounding weight and diet culture. Many members of the staff place a very high value on fitness and the ”broadway body” (or at least they did when I was a student here). I remember being introduced to Whole30 by the staff here, and being encouraged to try it out in order to get more toned in prep for college auditions. My graduating class was told we would all have to lose weight and get in better shape if we wanted to get into BFA programs, and we’re given tips and tricks on how to do that. None of that was healthy or right. In one of our rehearsal processes, we would start every rehearsal with “Broadway Bod” where we would be given a circuit of exercises to complete in groups, and we would do this for about half an hour before getting into actual rehearsal. This was happening while I was actively doing Whole30, so essentially I was under feeding and over working myself, and was made to feel accomplished for it. I even remember working summer camp one year, and a fitness workshop being led in which a resident artist was teaching children about “Broadway Body.” I don’t feel it is my place to tell other peoples stories, but I will say that I and many of my peers had a lot of body image issues and food related issues to overcome after leaving the teen program here, and at least I know I am still struggling to find a healthy relationship with my body and with food. I know that people have very positive experiences working at the palace professionally, but after the experiences I had I truly don’t think I can ever go back even to see a performance. It’s a shame because I have very fond memories and learned a lot of valuable things, but the bad things I learned have stuck with me far longer than any of the good. I’m not posting this in an effort to cancel the creative team at the palace or encourage people not to work there, but if I was an outsider coming to work here this is information I’d find valuable. Hopefully the environment in the program isn’t like this anymore, but these are some of the experiences I had that frankly caused a lot of damage.

I am writing this, even though I am afraid, because my therapist believes it will help my healing process to write about my experience in the Palace Theatre's youth and professional programs. That being said, I don't even know where to start. The original post says that "The youth theatre here is broadway quality." I would like to tell you why.

I am still working today to undo the damage that was done to me at my most vulnerable ages at the Palace. Instead of a safe environment, where I could learn to fail and grow, I was continuously manipulated and abused by the instructors, specifically Carl Rajotte.

I performed in both the apprentice (PTAC) and teen (PTC) companies at the Palace, as well as behind the scenes on multiple occasions, paid or volunteer. During my years engaged with these programs, my family was giving up hundreds of dollars for the 'high-quality' theatrical education I would receive. This would have been a reasonable tradeoff, if it were at all true.

The name Carl Rajotte, and I say this without an ounce of exaggeration, makes my body begin to panic. My chest gets tight, my heartbeat races, and I often begin to shake. On some occasions, recalling to my friends my experiences, my teeth will start to chatter or I will start to cry. I have been out of these programs for years, and I still have nightmares about him even today. I am not the only one experiencing this, and that is because the entire structure of the youth program is built around giving this man power over impressionable children. As soon as you walked into that building, all signs pointed to him as the man you needed to prove yourself to. He will not be your friend, he will not be your mentor or your sponsor... but he might come close if you can prove that you are an asset to him. Those teens were absolutely prized by the companies; kids who were talented enough to deserve his attention were the only ones who could receive it. From the top down, this caused toxic communities: all of us were pitted against each other for his (a grown man's) affections. There was nothing that I wanted more in those years than any relationship with Carl. These are programs for children aged 7-18.

Everyone, no matter what age you entered in, was groomed by these adult faculty members to accept Carl's word as if it was law and to fight for a spot in his prestigious company. The bullying was awful, and faculty members such as Carl but also Megan Quinn were completely aware of that and did little or nothing to stop it. I was excluded systemically by my peers, and it seemed the only way to win their friendship was to pay more money for more programs and claw my way onto Carl's radar. So that was exactly what I did, and every day I face the consequences of what I put myself through to get there. When I was a sophomore in highschool, I wrote an essay about how Carl Rajotte was my 'Hero Teacher'. The first time I saw Carl after leaving the program, I had a panic attack and had to excuse myself.

I was exposed to the Keto diet at the age of 13 through Palace instructors. I developed an eating disorder during my time as a performer. I would eat one meal a day (dinner) but only if my rehearsals were scheduled in a way where it was convenient. Rehearsals, typically at 6pm, sat right in the middle of when I should have been eating. During busier periods, I would be lucky to have Red Arrow on the way home as my first meal of the day. I looked in the mirror each morning, measured my weight and size, and compared them to Carl's favorites once I got to rehearsal. I refused food periodically throughout highschool.

When I went to college, I gained a significant amount of weight, which sent me emotionally spiraling. For the first time, I was finally in the average for my age and height group.

On multiple occasions, Carl would sit us down to discuss our 'type casts'. These conversations would involve discussion of weight, height, and body shape of minors, as well as what we should do to improve. Clearly, we did not do a good enough job, because Carl employed the 'Broadway Bod' program. This was an alternating program; one week on arms, one on legs, where he would have us each stationed to do an intense workout. We also ran laps around the block in Manchester. He would have us track our reps or times in a journal, which he would call on us at random to read in front of our class. He would ask how we did this week, and how we did last week. If there was not an improvement, the whole class would know how you had failed, and he would express his disappointment in you publicly. These workouts were not modified or of varying difficulty based on age or experience. Equipment was all the same weights (by equipment, I do mean boxes full of Palace merchandise), and everyone was timed the same. One of the workouts I best remember was handstand pushups. I was around 16 years old at the time.

There were strict rules to follow in class. If you yawned, crossed your arms, swore, or said 'I can't', there would be a class-wide punishment of either crunches, situps, pushups... whatever Carl felt best fit. It served as a good way to keep exhausted kids at eachothers' throats, rather than criticizing the faculty. The excuse for all of this was that it would acquaint us to how the 'real, professional' world works

For one semester, Carl required us all to learn a list of French dance terms, as well as their meanings, on our own time. If this was an official, available list, I was not aware of it. All I knew was that there were words I should know, and that I did not know them. He would sit us all down together after strenuous dance practices, and call on someone at random. They would have to spell the word that he picked, as well as correctly perform the move, or the entire group would have to do an exercise punishment. This, I know from experience, did not help with bullying.

It was times like these, these callouts in front of everybody, that would be the only time I would be addressed directly by Carl. We never spoke, there was no 'we', I would listen patiently and hope to God that I could do what he asked of me.

These shows were so physically demanding, I would consistently 'crash' after they were done. I would get sick and be bedridden for a day or two. After one particularly difficult show, I had a double bloody nose on closing night. I was 12. During another show, I missed a period due to the strain. I was 16. It came to a point that I could expect it, like clockwork.

The bullying and exclusion in these programs cannot only be blamed on 'mean kids'. I did not even feel safe enough to come out of the closet here because I feared that it would be used against me. I was so afraid that I was unable to come out until I was well out of PTC. We all had something to gain from putting others down, finding their weak spots and using them to climb the ladder. This behavior was not only rewarded but modeled by the leaders of the youth groups, especially Hunter Ulbin who would gossip openly and viciously about the talents and looks of minors. Carl, Hunter, and Megan did unfathomable damage to young artists and young minds. It was because of my experiences here that I lost the love for performing, that the stage lost its glow before I could even hit the age of 18. I cannot enjoy performance anymore.

Graduates from the youth programs fall into two camps: those who are trying to recover from these experiences, and those who still support the Palace. Friendships rarely cross this line. It is almost cultish, the way some people will ride for the Palace as a company long after the abuse is done. I find this to be a perfect example of the hold these people have on children.

I agree wholeheartedly with the previous reviews regarding these experiences. It is almost shocking to read how similar our experiences were, but if there is anything the Palace did best it was dividing students and snuffing out critics. I do not step foot through their doorstep anymore (especially not to give them more of my money)

One thing I would love to see them work on here is more diversity. I would love to see them cast more diverse bodies, POC, etc... That has been a recurring issue for many people I have discussed experiences with and I'm not sure its intentional by the theatre but definitely noticeable to many. I am hoping in their upcoming shows there can be a shift in a more inclusive direction!

I also did not have a good experience, the living conditions are a bit rough but the town in general is rough.

Everyone on the creative team is welcoming except for the director, in total I think I only saw him in person a total of 3 times and he was not the most friendly.

The rest of the creative team, although cordial, had preferences towards cast members that liked to drink and party with them. It was like a "mean girls" dynamic and I could not wait for the contract to end

I agree! I love this theatre, the living conditions are great, gym access is awesome, lots of great local coffee shops, but absolutely yes to diversity.